man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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