i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dont even know how to be here
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
