Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
