i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
