Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
