I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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