proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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