Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
