I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
