Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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