I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you made out with another girl for some wings
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
