my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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