I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
