Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
