It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
