They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
