Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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