Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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