Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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