but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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