You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
