I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
