Umm I'm too high to move.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
