I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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