I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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