Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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