I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
