I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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