Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
