I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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