k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
