My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
