Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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