I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
