The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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