I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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