Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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