You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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