I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
