Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
