So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
