So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
