Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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