Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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