do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
