i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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