You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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