We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
COCAINE IS GR8
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
