like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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