what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A+ Viking dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
