Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
