I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
