I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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