so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
